VGC Top Ten - Worthless RPG Characters - News
by VGChartz Staff , posted on 28 August 2009 / 94,179 Views
Role playing games are littered with great characters, including ones that will live on forever in 15 year old girl's fan fiction and Deviant art Accounts. These characters make us feel what they feel, love who they love, and hate who they hate. Then on the flipside there are the characters that we all hate. These may include evil villains that try to take over the world or double agents who sell us out. Then there is a third tier, those characters we simply don't care about. Whether it be by a huge character flaw, or complete worthlessness, some characters are not designed to be loved or hated, just forgotten. VGC Top Ten proudly presents: The Top Ten Worthless RPG Characters.
10. Jogurt - Shining Force
Imagine a character that can’t attack for more than 1 HP at a time, and will never level up past level 1 because he is an honest to Gosh hamster. look no further than Jogurt from Shining Force to meet these qualifications. Quite possibly the most slapped together character in history, Jogurt is a hamster wearing a huge helmet. Simply attaining Jogurt was waste of time involving a complex multi-step quest. His only real use aside from roster filler is a dumb item you can get. When he "gains a level" for the first time, you obtain an item called the “Jogurt Ring” the wearer of which will look like Jogurt in the character avatar and on screen.
9. Cloud - Final Fantasy Tactics
When speaking of Final Fantasy Tactics, one may argue that the brother and sister team of Malak and Rafa should make the list, but at least they don’t promise to be good, and then slap you in the face with failure. It was a great idea to toss Cloud from Final Fantasy VII into the original Final Fantasy Tactics game. Problem was that he was not worth the mountain of trouble you had to go through to get him. The quest that eventually takes you to Cloud involves many meandering sub-stories involving robots, mythical creatures, and legendary literary heroes. After all of that, at last you have Cloud! But wait he doesn’t have any weapons yet, and is incredibly slow at his attacks. Guess what here is another quest to find his sword! Haven’t had enough yet? Get ready to level him up until your eyes bleed, so you can actually use him and his spells! Whoo hoo!
8. Poshul - Chrono Cross
Aside from Earthbound’s Pokey, I can’t think of a more worthless dog character in any RPG as bad as Poshul. Chrono Cross was a good game, but got bogged down a bit because of far too many characters with no reason to have that many, and a confusing storyline. When you have characters like an animated tree named Mojo, there is no stretch of the imagination that you could play as a pink chi’tzu. In Chrono Cross Poshul can really brighten up some dreary points in the game, but it’s about as needed as Jar Jar Binks making the Final Battle in the Phantom Menace more comedic. In theory you could build Poshul into a “tank” character that rivals all others, but c’mon it’s a talking pink chi’tzu!
Note: After I wrote this, I noticed that I had somehow mixed up Ness's Dog King (useful) and Pokey the annoying worthless character you get later in the game. Since I haven't played the game for many years, it blurred together. I don't want to stealthly edit this, so I'll let it stand....oops!
7. Kimahri - Final Fantasy X
I know it’s cool to hate customizable characters in RPGs, but the trend of making them as generic as possible is getting old. First it was Gau having no back-story in FF6, then Quina was too weird and had no backstory in FF9, then we have Kimahri in FFX. When I played Final Fantasy X, I never used Kimahri because I couldn't have cared less about his character due to his lack of personality, backstory, and dialog. The game's artists could have traded him for a picture of Keanu Reeves on a piece of plywood, and I probably would not have noticed the change. This could have been rectified had he been a good character battle-wise, especially with his pedigree as a huge awesome looking lion-dude, sadly I was disappointed. Kimahri’s only skill was that he could move around the Sphere Grid faster than anyone else. Potentially you could make him into the greatest character ever, that is if you care enough.
6. Magikarp - Pokémon
There are some good Pokémon and there are some bad ones. While some just look dumb, it takes a special breed to be as bad as our number six entry. Magikarp is the worst Pokémon, plain and simple. This is because it has no real physical attacks at all and is almost comedically worthless. The original move it has is called Splash, which does nothing. Let me rewind that for you one more time:
“The original move it has is called Splash, which does nothing….”
Aside from splash the only move it originally had that even did some damage was Tackle, but you couldn’t get that until level 15 or so. Since the Gold and Silver games, Magikarp also has had the move Flail, but it would be worthless if you stuck with Magikarp long enough to get the move instead of evolving it into Gyarados.
5. Mieu - Tales of the Abyss
I believe this video speaks for itself:
Mieu (the little blue mascot thing) is one of the few characters that I truly wanted to die about halfway through the game due to how annoying he was. One a side note whenever Mieu said the word “Mieu” my cat got angry at me. It would be an injustice not to heed my cat's warnings and toss Mieu on this list.
4. Hans - Valkyria chronicles
Hans had the potential to be a cool character, (flying pig = awesome) problem was that he really had no relevance to the game's overall story, and kind of disappeared in most of the game. When speaking of cutesy mascot characters, even ones like Pikachu in Pokémon or Chu Chu in Xenogears had the one awesome scene where the character's worth to the party is materialized. Hans was there as just a token pointless cute thing that Sega will obviously use to sell plushies.
3. Cait Sith – FFVII
Cait Sith from Final Fantasy VII is a neat idea for a character. For those that do not know, Cait Sith appears to be a cat riding around on a giant stuffed animal that yells into a blowhorn, and fights with gambling equipment. Can you think of anyone at all that played through the entire game using Cait Sith? Nope, because it has never happened. He happens to be one of the many RPG novelty characters that you say, “heh!” and never use again. “What makes him so bad?”, you may be asking, well there are a few reasons. He is incredibly weak unless you build him up to ungodly proportions, but many will never go that far. Cait Sith’s limit breaks are completely random, and caste all sorts of random status ailments, and may even heal the enemies that you are fighting. Ouch!
2. Thief - Final Fantasy I
When you see the name “thief” one would assume that this person may in fact do things like thievery or backstabbing, or even taking candy from a baby. Not so for the old Final Fantasy I thief, a character that seems to be a good choice at first, but will leave you cursing your way to the reset button. Not only does he not steal, but his intended purpose to run away from battles better only really happens if he's front row. Since he is weak against attacks, this will make him die far more often than he should. When I am forming a party I tend to stay away from people with credentials like these:
“I am much weaker than any other class in amazing ways without the benefit of strength, magic, or even some kind of passable gimmick!”
When he levels up to a ninja, he is still useless as a red mage can do better than him in any way. And that’s why thief from Final Fantasy I is number 2 on our list.
1. Qlon – Suikoden
Words cannot express the worthlessness of Qlon from the original Suikoden game. Imagine a job that lies below that of a supermarket door greeter in terms of skill level. Door greeters at least have to pay attention to shop lifters and put stickers on things, but not our good friend Qlon. Whether rain or shine, sleet or snow he (….wait a minute…is Qlon even a man? ....) stands outside your castle and regurgitates the same saying over and over and over again:
Qlon: "Hi! This is [whatever you called it] Castle! I feel so good."
Qlon: "Hi! This is [whatever you called it] Castle! I feel so good."
Qlon: "Hi! This is [whatever you called it] Castle! I feel so good."
Nobody cares how you feel Qlon, get to work! In Suikoden every character serves a purpose even if they are not an actual “battle character”. Let’s say you need a blacksmith, and you happen to find one, BOOM, instant blacksmith shop. Qlon just kind of stands there with these parting words:
Qlon: "Hi! This is [whatever you called it] Castle! I feel so good."
I wish I could buy a signpost instead...
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Hmm, don't know actually that many characters but Kimahri...? Thought he was kind of cool...
Also, wait. Did you really just claim that Gau had no backstory?
WTF?!!
Gau had quite a touching story.
I disagree. Gau rules and Kimhari was decent too.
I also disagree with Kimarhi being listed. He does have backstory and he's far from useless, you can make him that way if you botch his sphere grid progression. However, that's user error. Also, as Kaz216 pointed out, you whiffed badly with Gau.
I hate to sound like a fanboy, but you're actually very wrong about both the Final Fantasy characters. both Kimahri and Gau have interesting backstories if you're willing to spend a bit of time learning them, and both are actually useful if you know how to use them. Kimahri is actually really good until you get to the endgame content where Tidus, Wakka, and Rikku are I think the only really useful characters. Up until that point he's on par with all the others.
What? Khimari boring? Man if you saw the events at Mt Gagazet and stayed cold as stone, then you have no heart.
cait sith didn't show up until about a 1/4 through ff7, so how could anyone play it through it all with him?
mieu is adorable AND functions as a badass puzzle solving "thing"
chu chu needs to be on this list (even though it can get up to around 50,000 hp) because it literally has ABSOLUTELY no purpose at all besides doing that annoying "chu" thing
Crappy list. Even the characters chosen per game aren't as useless as others in their game. Sure, Magikarp doesn't learn a real attack until lv15, but wild metapods and kakunas ONLY have the stat buff Harden & never get access to another attack. It's just like that terrible Pokemon ep where Ash's Metapod was fighting some kid's Kakuna and they were just shouting crap like, "Get harder!" "C'mon, just a little bit harder!" "He's weakening! He's getting softer now!"
How about "lim-lim" pets in Planescape: Torment?
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Kimahri!!! he was awsome! his "Mighty Guard" saved my ass numerous times in FF X
prince form dragon quest II is crappier than most of this cahracters. prince is not good at phisical strenght, prince is not good at magic, but he can use them both, how crappier can you get.
what about Tingle? He's pretty wothless to me LOL
LMAO! This list gave me some tender laughs. XD
And here i was thinking this list was for real ; ;
Some of you guys are taking this list way too seriously....LOL
I'm sorry to say this, but you should have more research before making this list or some more playing. Others already pointed out the problems.
ZOMG Kimahri is not useless! He pwned the final boss, and without him I wouldn't have beaten FF X!
considering how many FF games there are, it was a matter of chance that so many ended up on there...
Wow FF had a few, matter of fact square had a few characters up there...ummpphh i wonder if this writer is anti-squaresoft
swyygi said:
"There's also one character on here that seems like he was put on here for an ulterior motive. Just to put him on."
You caught me, I'm actually the president of the international people against Qlon in video games league.
Why Poshul?
I found she was a kickass character. She had lots of HP, and decent attack, just stamina recovery wasn't the best, but her techs weren't half bad.
Plus you need her to get another character whose half decent and performs in a double tech (for those who played Trigger but not Cross, double techs are a lot less common in this game).
" Imagine a job that lies below that of a supermarket door greeter in terms of skill level."
ROFL!!
HOW is your name THIEF but you CANT steal? LMAOO
BS list. Several characters on there are actually very good. It's also very inappropriate to use the term RPG "character" in the sense that the explanations are using.
There's also one character on here that seems like he was put on here for an ulterior motive. Just to put him on.
Hey, leave Gau and Quina alone. They were part of my favorite group in their respective games. And as many others have said Gau does have a back story.
How come Aeris isn't number one on this list? I remember spending time leveling her up, and all of that was for nothing.
Awww, how come nobody likes Cait Sith? My first time playing I used him all game since stupid Aeris went and died on me.
I would add Aeris to that.
I remember how mad I was, I spent time leveling her so she would be somewhat useful and then after all that effort BAM.
No bad mouthing the baby Gyarados!
Cloud was useful!
...if you put the time into him.
But Mieu on the other hand...
"MIIIIIEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"
ears bleed
goes limp
I remember Jogurt. Shining Force is one of the best overlooked RPGs ever!
If anything Male Combee and Chingling are more useless than Magikarp..
This is Bob Castle.
I feel so good.
I love the Power Glove.
It's so bad.
kimahri had more of a backstory to him than most people here. :p you must have added him as a cheap way to get more comments!
magicarp is not that worthless as a character, i mean it's great as a concept the worst pokemon to evolve in a very strong one
Just adding, the only reason you'd want Qlon, is to have all the stars of destiny and so have a complete and better ending.
XDDDDD
I so agree with #1 though I would have thought Magikarp would be at a higher rank. Seriously, that Pokemon was worthless until it became Gyarados.
I love Mieu T_T
Poor Kimahri.
He was far from worthless. There are some characters on here that I don't understand why they are here.
If they have the potential to be great after leveling them up then they aren't worthless.
Boring/annoying does not = worthless.
I disagree with Kimahri aswell. He had some kind of story aswell like with his two brothers (not related with blood guys).
And GAU WHAT? One of the most emotional moments in FFVI is with GAu:
This one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jZmtTQNae4
Sniff.
@famousringo
true, Jogurt really should be number 1. However, it just makes me happy to see shining force represented. So little people know how so incredibly awesome these games are.
Er.... Gau does have a backstory in FF6.
He was abandoned as a child. You even end up confronting his father in the game.
I agree with Kimarhi, all the others had a use but he was just rubbish, and you can make any of the characters insanely good, my Tidus has 255 (max) strength, once you fill the sphere grid, you just have to fill in the empty nodes
i know it's kinda a joke but dont' know why thief is #2, i mean he's the worst of all the characters but he still does the job. He has some "worth," while Jogurt is just awful.
lol at Qlon, it's so true.
Came for Jogurt.
I'm a little disappointed that he didn't come out on top of the useless pile, actually. So many characters beat him who can actually level...
Loved Quina FF9.
Creepy, funny, fat.... hilarious.
Was the best RPG character ever and the most fun to play because you could gett skills from other enemies.
I felt like a fat ugly pokemon hunter. And the fact he/she was not male nor female, adds more to its personality.
I used Cait Sith =/
If anything Aries was the worst character, I had to go back to CD because I was a perfectionist and got her ultimate lmit break after I realized I'd lost her forever because she's retarded.
dont forget a caught metapod/kakuna all they can do is harden
lol I like Magicarp as a choice! I think Abra is pretty useless too all he can do is teleport.
You need to redo the list. One should be every character from Enchanted Arms. Those characters were so annoying and useless. As well as Tolten from Lost Odyssey
mieu was AWESOME.bad choice.
Gau did have a backstory...And Poshul was semi-useful, since it could be your first party member (meaning you didn't have to tackle the opening area by yourself). It was also better than Leena or Kid, so it's always better to take it to the Viper Mansion.
As for the misplaced Magikarp hate...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ye7b3bOQ6lY
I can't tell you how happy I am that Jogurt made this list.
Number 1 is simply perfect. Oh, yeah, Qlon, how many times I wondered what the hell was your function in that game
Good list, love the last one :-D
but how can you put Kimahri in there?
yeah had me till kimahri--he had a back story that was part of the main quest and had great potential...
Kimahri got owned haha. No wonder he's still my weakest character.
And I'm glad to see Magikarp there.
The lack of any fire emblem characters is sad. I feel that there are several characters in FE games put there to piss the player off (Meg in Radiant Dawn for example)
Kimahri is great. but your missing the worst rpg character of all time Allen from xenosaga lol i remember when he finally got the nerve to fight at the very end and he had a gun. CHAAAAAAAAA JUMP OUT AT THE GENOSIS AND SMACK IT WITH A GUN. yup thats the best course of action
1 is awesome, but Kimahri shouldn't be on there. Sure, he's a boring character but in battle, he's pretty good.
Yea, Kimahri was cool.
Cait was fun :d
But number 1 would be:Vaan.
I hate it so much.
You missed all the Jeigans on Fire Emblem which ware way worst than magicarp, since Magicarp gets better over time Jeigan becomes worst
The only one I disagree with is Kimahri. Otherwise, a great list. The last one was funny.
I disagree with you about Kimahri. I like him.
