VGC Top Ten Best Videogame Facial Hair - NewsVGChartz Staff , posted on 24 October 2009 / 28,445 Views
As evidenced by people such as Chuck Norris and Gerard Butler as King Leonidas of Sparta, nothing says “badass” like a truly awesome tuft of facial hair. It can also be noted that once said facial hair is removed, said person becomes a diminutive wimp. This facial “Samson-effect” can be evidenced with such rugged characters as the Brawny Man, of paper towel fame. Once he decided to go the way of the razor, I bet he gets beat up by all sorts of various wildlife. Videogames are no stranger to the effects of awesome facial hair, and without further ado, here are the top 10 characters that have it.
10. Sazh Katzroy – Final Fantasy XIII
While a character that has not actually invaded our homes as of yet, Sazh has one of the best examples of a “smooth goatee”. Everything about this man says “yes I am a playa and I am also quite awesome”. His goatee makes me want to drink a tall glass of Courvoisier cognac and listen to Barry White music.
9. Shang Tsung – Mortal Kombat series
We have seen many old-school martial arts masters sport this long mustache and goatee combo over the years in various films and games, but none seem to give it the accomplishment that Mr. Tsung does here. Let’s face it, if I had the ability to shapeshift, you better bet that I’d choose such an awesome mustache. Also note that the moment Tsung decided to get rid of this look in Mortal Kombat II, he was instantly demoted to the rank of “some dude”.
8. Dr. Light – Mega Man series
I’m not even going to mention how awesome Dr. Light’s beard blends into his double ended pompadour hairstyle. The main attraction is undoubtedly his use of a huge old Santa Claus beard to show that he is a fun guy that might just make some little mechanical toys in his workshop, but mess with him and you have a world of hurt on.
7. Sam Fisher – Splinter Cell Conviction
Nothing says manly like a huge scraggly “Grizzly Adams” beard for the man who says “take this society, I don’t need the oppression of razors anymore." I’m kind of worried about Sam’s next adventure as he has apparently decided to lose his former mane of awesomeness.
6. Old Snake –MGS4
I’m torn between talking about Snakes retro 70’s porn ‘stache or his grizzled and haggard old man look. Both are awesome, but both serve different purposes. One says “I have authority” and should accompany anyone who reads the nightly news or serves as a Highway Patrolman. The other says “get off my lawn” with a Clint Eastwood-esque grunt. Combine both of these sets of follicles with a mullet and you have pure awesome.
5. Gannondorf – Zelda Series
You know what would be more awesome that one of those old school 1920’s curly mustaches? Imagine if you will - a beard that somehow inexplicably links into one’s own eyebrows for an almost complete circle of facial hair. I think this undoubtedly trumps the comb-over beard and reverse Mohawk as the funniest hairstyle I want hipsters to start wearing from now on.
4. Judge – Ace Attorney series
Much like Dr. Light, our old fiend the Judge has a beard that ushers in a sense of not only nobility and wisdom, but pure whip-ass. With a beard like that I bet Judge here can easily bench 500 pounds, as the amount of beard is directly proportional to how much of a muscle guy you are in most martial arts films. I wonder why you never see him without his trademark Judge robes, maybe its because he’s too ripped and doesn’t want to show off.
3. Mario / Luigi – Mario Series
The Mario Brothers make us look back to the mustachioed look of the 1970’s when everyone looked as awesome as these guys. I will assume that Mario and Luigi’s mustaches are the exact reason why they have thwarted Bowser and his minions all of these years. Not only can Mario store food or water for tough treks through mountains or deserts, but the lip covering can provide warmth in the always present ice levels. Many of you may also wonder why the princess stays with Mario all these years, and I give you one reason: mustache rides.
2. King of the Cosmos - Katamari series
Not too much to say here other than the obvious – would you mess with a guy that has a 70 foot long mustache, huge sideburns, and the greatest goatee ever to tie it in?
1. Ares – God of War
What could be badass than a full head of hair and a beard that sways in the wind? Imagine just for one second that this hair was made of not just hair, but infernal fire!