Top Ten Sexually Awkward Video Game Moments

by Stephen Kelley, posted on 16 August 2009 / 212,089 Views

It can happen to anyone: let's say you are watching a film with your parents, and an insanely vulgar display of crude sexual imagery comes up on the screen. In your mind you are torn between laughing as the film has intended or trying your best to act repulsed as to make your parents think you have a better sense of morals than you really do. This type of thing can happen in many situations, and they especially occur in video games. Whether it be a mistranslation, or an overt act of zaniness these are the top 10 sexually awkward video game moments in the history of gaming. Please play these games alone, or at your own risk.

 

 

10. Cloud on a date with Barrett

 

c9b32a69.jpg picture by spdk1

 

A little known hidden gem in Final Fantasy VII is its affinity system. All this system serves is to see which of four characters you will go on a date with towards the middle of the game at the Golden Saucer. There are four characters that can go on the date: Aeris, Tifa, Yuffie and as odd as it may seem Barrett. Basically depending on how you answer certain questions throughout your play through, you can tweak these parameters to your liking. The creepy thing is that the date with Barrett is not only pretty awkward from, the beginning, but it is the only one full of sexual tension, awkward pauses and misguided anger. Here is an excerpt of how Barrett sweeps Cloud off of his feet:

Barrett: I was just thinking of going for a walk
Cloud: What?! just the two of us?
Barrett: What’s wrong with that!?
              Don’t give me no lip, I say we go!

Smooth Barrett, real smooth!

 



9. Simply Playing Stretch Panic

Once in a while a game comes around that is so eccentric and bizarre that you can only assume it would stay in Japan, the land of vending machine panties and cubicle hotels. A few games such as Katamari Damacy come over here and become a hit, but others come over here and are still too weird. Take Stretch Panic, a game where you play as a girl named Linda trying to rid your sisters of the curse of vanity. You are aided in this by a mysterious demon scarf that whips around and can snap and stretch objects. This may sound like a good game for people that idolize Paris Hilton to play until you see items such as the following:

stretch-panic-3.jpg picture by spdk1



That’s right; you have to fight things like Giant Boobs.

 

 

8. Thunder Ryu In No More Heroes

300px-ThunderRyu.jpg picture by spdk1

 

Every once in a while there comes a video game character that is so creepy that you are not sure if you should laugh or take a shower after witnessing their antics. One that really sticks out in my Mind is Thunder Ryu from Suda 51’s No More Heroes. He is a 51-year-old former Japanese professional wrestler turned Yakuza running a gym near the hotel that you stay. His purpose in the game is to teach you new wrestling moves and sword fighting techniques and to sexually harass Travis. At one moment you will be trying to learn a new technique, next Thunder Ryu is telling you to take your clothes off and bend over.

 

 

7. Weird Fetishism in Killer 7

26489-550x-iwazaru2.jpg picture by spdk1

 

Another one of Suda 51’s games has just as much weird sexual overtones to really make you scratch your head. Killer 7 is full of sexual imagery such as a character that seemingly “enjoys” killing people a bit too much and other shenanigans, but the crown goes to Iwazaru a ghost-like character that helps you in the game. He must have done something really bad to trapped in his afterlife, as he is ever-clad in gaudy red bondage gear and hanging on the ceiling.

 

 

6. Link GTA style

 

Z2_link_in_Rauru.png picture by spdk1

 

Remember all of the controversy that surrounded Grand Theft Auto when it was realized by the mainstream media that you can heal your character by having a “date” with a prostitute. Well GTA is not the forefather of this in-game even as Nintendo had a similar mechanic in The Legend of Zelda II: The adventure of Link. In every town you can find a horde of red clad women who are more than happy to let you stay in their house and “rest” for a little while. Anyone who has any smarts whatsoever can see that her proposition is only a cover.

 

 

5. Ring King – Unintentional porn

Ring King is an infamous arcade-style boxing game that won notoriety because of the poor animation of the NES console. The NES/Famicom version of Ring King/Family Boxing shows a scene with the corner men seemingly performing fellatio on the boxer between rounds. The pictures speak for themselves:


ring-king.jpg picture by spdk1

 

 

4. Tingle

Tingle.jpg picture by spdk1

Tingle of Legend of Zelda fame, is one of those characters that isn’t too creepy until you really think about it. Keep in mind that Tingle is a short, paunchy 35-year-old man who is completely obsessed with "forest fairies" and dresses up in a green costume, slightly resembling that of the main character, Link. He also likes to ride around on his balloon and sell maps to small children. Tingle is the kind of guy that they show on the 10 o' clock news that had worked at a Pizza Hut all of his life, and nobody knew he was a ticking time bomb waiting to happen.

:: shudders ::

 

 

3. Otacon pretty much all of the time

otacon.jpg picture by spdk1

In Metal Gear Solid, the first time you meet the character known as Otacon he is peeing himself. That should be an ill omen for what is to come.  Otacon, is not only awkward, but sexually confused, and seems to air his dirty laundry all too frequently about his relationship with his stepmother. The most awkward thing he does in any game is the many times he hits on Snake.  After he's been freed by Snake, Otacon approaches Snake and asks him "Do you think love can bloom, even on a battlefield?" It’s hard not to chuckle when you hear this line, as within the context of the situation, you just saved him and have become his true hero.  We all know he was talking about Sniper Wolf, but the initial shock is the funniest part.

 

 

2. Reading the instruction manual for SMB 2

300px-MP8_Birdo.jpg picture by spdk1

According to the North American instruction manual of Super Mario Bros. 2:
"Birdo thinks he is a girl and likes to be called Birdetta. He likes to wear a bow on his head and shoot eggs from his mouth."

YIKES!!

 

 

1. Cho Aniki –‘Nuff said

cho-aniki.jpg picture by spdk1

Many have heard of this totally insane series on various magazines and TV shows, and many have also played it as the first game is available on virtual console as we speak, so it is quite infamous. The games story is as follows: Bo Emperor Bill, the man who achieved ten consecutive victories in the Great Galaxy Bodybuilding contest, faces an ever decreasing supply of protein. He unilaterally invades neighboring star systems, in order to establish protein factories to replenish his supply. Feeling threatened, the heaven realm sent Idaten and Benten to vanquish Bo Emperor Bill. With that said, be prepared to fight all manner of crazy garish imagery as the scrolling shooter (ala Gradius) game progresses. Just make sure nobody comes over as you are playing the game, as the level of camp can be deadly.

cho-aniki-bakaretsu6.png picture by spdk1

 


More Articles

53 Comments

raspymanic (on 28 September 2009)

What about halo 1 legendery ending with sergant and elite hugging and the elite places his hand on sergants ass lmao


luckey (on 15 September 2009)

Large of discounted [url="http://www.ukghdstore.co.uk/GHD-IV-MK4-Kiss.html"]GHD MK4 Kiss[/url] are provided in our GHD MK4 UK store. The GHD Kiss Hair Straighteners are all highest quality and lowest price. Save 50%. It is legit. It is one of the best ones I've used. I have very curly hair and it ends up soft and smooth with the [url="http://www.ukghdstore.co.uk/"]GHD[/url] . Various kinds of [url="http://www.ukghdstore.co.uk/"]ghd[/url] hair straightener with superior quality in best ghd UK online store are available at reasonable prices to give your hair best care. [url="http://www.ghdhairsales.co.uk/MK4/"]GHD MK4[/url] , GHD IV MK4 Hair Straighteners On Sale Here at [url="http://www.ghdhairsales.co.uk/"]GHD Styler[/url] we are devoted to those who desire flawless hair and want to always look their best.When 2009 Christmas day comes, [url="http://www.uschristmasgifts.com" title="christmas gift"]Christmas Gifts[/url] store provide variety christmas gifts for different recipient.


spdk1 (on 22 August 2009)

the next list is here: http://news.vgchartz.com/news.php?id=4911


Tyrannical (on 18 August 2009)

RE:Code Veronica had an "odd" moment.


TopCat8 (on 18 August 2009)

I think you need to add the ending of House of the Dead: Overkill to this list. There were some extremely awkward sexual moments in the last 10 minutes of that game.


Craan (on 17 August 2009)

over 100,000 views. wow


CaptainDJ (on 17 August 2009)

I lol'd!


Red4ADevil (on 17 August 2009)

That zelda scene was also mentioned on screwattack's top ten powerups i think....


thetonestarr (on 17 August 2009)

What about the purposefully sexually awkward scene of GTAIV: The Lost and the Damned? Hello, fully 3D old-man penis!


tastyshovelware (on 17 August 2009)

@saviorx Haha, I had totally forgotten about that scene in HH. Underrated game too.


Faxanadu (on 17 August 2009)

No Captain Rainbow?


Epke (on 17 August 2009)

stretch panic is a winner when is it comming to ps3? :p


iron_megalith (on 17 August 2009)

Well good list but I say MGS can own this list. XD Specially Raiden part and all the ball grabbing that's been going on. Anyway I LOL'd hard on #5. 8-bit porn FTW!


ViolentPhlegm (on 17 August 2009)

Claude and Ashton out on a date in "Star Ocean: The Second Story".


Kantor (on 17 August 2009)

Still not as many views as E3 Booth Babes (which is at around 120k).


bardicverse (on 16 August 2009)

My interpretation of Tingle is that its a crack at all the Cosplay zelda fans that come to events dressed like Link.


Sanzee (on 16 August 2009)

Tingle is a flameboy


Sanzee (on 16 August 2009)

Best article EVER. I think so!


Madanial (on 16 August 2009)

Best article ever on VGChartz? lol


indodude (on 16 August 2009)

We need more sexual top 10s. 26,000 views lol


Barozi (on 16 August 2009)

Over 9000 guests. You know what that mean !


SaviorX (on 16 August 2009)

Snake getting his crotch grabbed in MGS3 was definitely a weird one. Honorable mention goes to Hybrid Heaven: Having the opening cutscene start with a naked guy opening his door and having a conversation is definitely awkward.


luvtospooge (on 16 August 2009)

where's tales of phantasia in that?? When that witch starts having a dream and scream your name like you're having sex with her....


Gilgamesh (on 16 August 2009)

Woah 7000 guest, I'm assuming this article is the cause


PullusPardus (on 16 August 2009)

FFVII had a better scene than that one, that one actually felt like more friends apologizing or something but THIS one is hilarious http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4IHKcgkMR7g


fastyxx (on 16 August 2009)

How is a character or a line from the manual a "sexually awkward moment"? Barely any of these fit the headline.


Kasz216 (on 16 August 2009)

Come to think of it... I think Barret was the one my character had a date with the first or second time I played FF7. As for Iwazaru. Well if you've played Killer 7 you know what he "did". Well actually not really, most people won't since the game is all David Lynch like. I'm pretty sure I know what he "did" though.


piggychan (on 16 August 2009)

uhhh the Final Fantasy VII .. Shoulda brought up the hidden bathtub scene near the beginning of the game with Mukki and his gym buddies getting close with Cloud... now that was a bizarre scene....


Simulacrum (on 16 August 2009)

Yea that Vlogin thing and same thing President made to Raiden was reaallyy akward.. I was so wtf:d.


--OkeyDokey-- (on 16 August 2009)

And what about when Volgin grabbed Snakes crotch in MGS3? Really, MGS should have half this list.


--OkeyDokey-- (on 16 August 2009)

What about Raiden doing naked cartwheels in MGS2?


salaminizer (on 16 August 2009)

wow hahahah WTF is that last one and yeah, in Killer 7 I think the maid and Harman was even weirder


Dazkarieh (on 16 August 2009)

How can Ar Tonelico not be there?!?!? Bahhh


Fab_GS (on 16 August 2009)

*DEAD* @ Ring King


Bman54 (on 16 August 2009)

@Simulacrum That part from that RPG was hilarious but it wasn't sexually akaward really, I think it was intended to be sexual. Great list.


Simulacrum (on 16 August 2009)

"Do you think love can bloom, even on a battlefield?" Come on...This was about Sniper Wolf and Otacon..I didin't find anything offensive about it back then or even now.. Its great statement. How about that Rpg that I remember Soriku posting some time ago..


Killy_Vorkosigan (on 16 August 2009)

Despite you quote Killer7, you missed the point here imho, the sex scene between the maid and Hermann Smith in its wheelchair is The most awkward sexually explicit moment ever.


MontanaHatchet (on 16 August 2009)

Sorry, honest mistake! I thought I read Seece's name on the mod forums, and then it really sounds like something he'd write. You the man Spdk1!


spdk1 (on 16 August 2009)

I see how it is :P


zexen_lowe (on 16 August 2009)

Montana, that's not seece, that's spdk :-P


Citan (on 16 August 2009)

So people feel uneasy watching this? It`s just hillarious and funny. Bad article. Funny moments in video-games.


MontanaHatchet (on 16 August 2009)

I was hoping you'd include Bad Girl and the S&M henchmen. That was awkward and hot. Great article Seece, you're the man!


chaospluto (on 16 August 2009)

I never heard of Cho Aniki.... and wow... that is just straight up creepy right there xD. Good read though.


Blacksaber (on 16 August 2009)

I was confused about number one when you first wrote up the article without the pictures but I really see why now O_o


NightDragon83 (on 16 August 2009)

That Japanese WiiWare game "Muscle Men" is also seriously sexually awkward... making almost totally naked dudes perform different poses to run through walls or some shit. ::shudders::


clapiotis (on 16 August 2009)

Nice read!


Kai Master (on 16 August 2009)

aaaah, Zelda 2, brings back memories! I was to young to think about prostitution at the time!


Soriku (on 16 August 2009)

Cloud and Barret? Meh, the Cloud and that rich dude who has prostitutes over is better when he tries to have sex with Cloud :P (although you can choose Tifa and Aeris too...)


zexen_lowe (on 16 August 2009)

Great article, spdk! Cho Aniki was a sure no.1, and wow at Ring King, didn't know that one :-D


880user088 (on 16 August 2009)

Ring King should be no.1, and looooool at the last picture


elmerion (on 16 August 2009)

Good article! lol at Ring King


spdk1 (on 16 August 2009)

wikipedia says hes puting in a foul cup? not sure what that means, but here is a better look at what it looks like: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v487/spdk1/ringking2.gif?t=1250448114 http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v487/spdk1/ringking3.gif?t=1250448115


mikrolik (on 16 August 2009)

Ring King is probably the most famous example here. I have a question: What is the cornerman actually doing? Not what it looks like he's doing, what did the makers of the game who signed off on that animation think he was doing?