Forge News: Nintendo Unveils New Social Network for Wii

by Dain Melendez, posted on 05 May 2009 / 5,500 Views

“We have created a social experience the Nintendo way!"

REDMOND WA – Today, Nintendo of America announced plans to bring social networking to their popular Wii console. The new feature will be named WiiTogether and will become available for download by September of 2009. The Japanese video game giant hopes to bring a compelling social experience to the Wii console in order to compete with the social experience offered by Sony and Microsoft.

The press conference was attended by Nintendo’s President, Saturo Iwata, and his menacing henchman Reggie Fils-Aime. Mr. Iwata excitedly discussed how Creative Executive, Shigeru Miyamoto, designed the feature saying, "The idea came to him in the same way all his wonderful ideas come to him.” The executive then continued with an anecdotal story about how Miyamoto’s new hobby of conversing with people inspired the social network, WiiTogether.

Reggie Fils-Aime, Nintendo of America President, then took time to inform all in attendance how the social experience will work. According to Reggie, WiiTogether will integrate all the beloved online features the Wii already has, including Friend Codes, and excluding WiiSpeak. The first step a user will need to complete is registering their Wii serial number, all owned games, personal address, great grandmother’s maiden name, and scanned image of a government issued photo ID into their Club Nintendo account. After this they will have access to print the WiiTogether application form, which will need to be completed in triplicate - twice. After completing the application six times the gamer will then be required to gather all the Friend Codes he intends on connecting with onto another form (which will also need to be completed six times) and have each friend sign and date beside their respective friend code. Also, a government issued photo ID will need to be provided with each friend’s signature.

This IS what you wanted...right?

The process continues with Nintendo demanding attachments showing proof of residence, citizenship, existence, and proof that the applicant is not a registered sex offender. The final step is to have a Notary Public stamp all six application packets and send them to the following recipients: the Federal government, the applicant’s State government, the applicant’s local government, the State of Washington’s government, and Nintendo of America, while the last one remains with the applicant. “It’s that easy!” exclaimed Reggie Fils-Aime. Forge News immediately commented that the process seemed more convoluted than ‘easy’, to which Reggie responded by punching me in the face.

Mr. Fils-Aime continued discussing the social network by saying, "We have created a social experience the Nintendo way! First, we have created a world that fits the Wii console’s graphical power and themed as the Mushroom Kingdom. Then we designed a new avatar system. Since a pedophile can certainly identify a target by their Mii, a new avatar creator was needed. In WiiTogether we went with a more vaporous aesthetic, meaning you will create unidentifiable clouds of different colors, but the colors are customizable.” While looking at the early demonstration build Reggie was presenting, we counted 10 different colors. “Finally, we made a compelling new way to converse with your friends. Instead of using WiiSpeak, a player can assign text messages to the four buttons on the directional pad.” As every reporter in the audience stood in stunned silence, the Nintendo of America President concluded with, “We look forward to the over 50 million Wii customers signing on to this new service, but please allow 3-4 weeks for your application to be processed.”

 

*Forge News is a satire feature that the Vgchartz editorial team is happy to present. These pieces will be strictly written as good humor, sarcasm, and satire of everything video game related. They do not represent our views and opinions of anyone or any company that will be written about. It is our sincere desire that our readers will enjoy this new creative feature for what it is and not read any deeper meaning of bias into it.


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69 Comments

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senseinobaka (on 08 May 2009)

Sky and Kenny... perhaps you are taking this a little too seriously?


kennyrester (on 07 May 2009)

Ah come on would you just google it before we go any further? It's a specific term and it has a specific meaning. Take the sony forge news. For it to be applied there the article would have had to have been about sony's PR getting worse and worse until something absurd happened whereas it was actually about them stopping their PR altogether. You can't just take the literal English translation of these things. De facto literally means in fact but used in English it means the way things really are. Same sort of deal here. Geddit? Sorry to get so pissy about this but it's just stupid when people drop these unnecessary phrases just because they think they add a certain je ne sais quoi to their posts, especially when they're unsuitable, and I hate when people point out typos when it's obvious what the other person meant. You did both.


Sky Render (on 07 May 2009)

I'm sorry your perspective of reality doesn't allow for you to be wrong. And I think it worthwhile to note that, short of practicing extreme pedantry over the meaning of "reduction", any situation where an overly-simple statement or idea about something is blown up to unreasonable proportions which follow the logical trend of said statement can be described as "reductio ad absurdium", as it quite literally fulfills the conditions stated by the term: it reduces the whole thing to absurdity.


kennyrester (on 07 May 2009)

So the logical conclusion of product failure is an announcement about product failure? Nope. Or the logical conclusion of bad PR is stopping the PR people from making announcements? Also nope. (In fact that one's more or less the exact opposite of Reductio ad absurdum). I only pointed out your typo because you whinged about tolu's.


Sky Render (on 07 May 2009)

Quite the vehement reaction to a simple typo, one in Latin no less. Also, the entire running theme of Forge News is taking existing stereotypes about these companies ("Sony has bad PR!", "MS makes faulty hardware!", "Nintendo is security-paranoid!") and following their logical path to a point that it just gets absurd. Which is pretty much a textbook example of how to do reductio-ad-absurdium.


theprof00 (on 07 May 2009)

lol kenny you're so angry about this aren't you?


kennyrester (on 07 May 2009)

Its Reductio ad absurdum smartass, no "i" in it. Also there was nothing really reductio ad absurdum about the sony or MS ones. At least tolu's post made sense . . .


Sky Render (on 07 May 2009)

tolu: It quite clearly says "Forge", not "Forbes", news. Also, it's spelled "that"; no d in there. Unless you're trying to impersonate having a broken nose, in which case, brilliant imitation. Anyway, this one was about as reducto-ad-absurdium as the rest, though perhaps a bit more ridiculous than even the MS one, if only because Nintendo's security measures have far less public notoriety than MS' hardware failures (or Sony's PR blunders).


tolu619 (on 07 May 2009)

Change the name from Forbes to Joke so the few people dat don't notice its a joke will know dat even b4 clicking on it.


Kali (on 07 May 2009)

Is this for real? That is just... weird.


RenegadePhantasm (on 07 May 2009)

I think if you're doing parody articles you should probably put them in a separate section from the main articles. Having front page spoofs on days other than April 1 hurts credibility.


kennyrester (on 06 May 2009)

Sony shoots its mouth off! 360 had high failure rate! Wii has relatively poor online service! The originality is just phenomenal. Why don't you really push the boat out and do one about mother-in-laws or airline food?


PullusPardus (on 06 May 2009)

you guys forgot about blood samples =o!


theprof00 (on 06 May 2009)

well, wii fans are taking this well


mike_intellivision (on 06 May 2009)

It started strong and had a good hook. I actually clicked on it, thinking it was true until I noticed the source -- Forge News. The details were a bit overkill though because not even Nintendo would require triplicate twice. Triplicate or duplicate twice but not triplicate twice. Mike from Morgantown


AtomSpyTroy (on 06 May 2009)

Not funny and also a waste of our time.


radha (on 06 May 2009)

funny , but still the one about sony is the best


Kantor (on 06 May 2009)

The 360 failure rate was better, but this one was good too. Nice (y)


ElRhodeo (on 06 May 2009)

Hmm... not that funny. It's definitely a topic that deserves making fun of it, but this was uninspired.


halogamer1989 (on 06 May 2009)

This is great! lol.


XiaoMay (on 06 May 2009)

hahahahaha I love the Wii and Nintendo but this was fun !


Araknie87 (on 06 May 2009)

@Senseinobaka: You've wrote Saturo Iwata, but it's Satoru!! XDXDXDXDXD After that, i think that if good used this will be the tomb for the Friends Codes, finally.


Roma (on 06 May 2009)

lol WhaaT?


Snesboy (on 06 May 2009)

Doesn't explain what WiiTogether is, just how you get it.


MontanaHatchet (on 05 May 2009)

A sense of humor is apparently lost on some people.


TWRoO (on 05 May 2009)

I can't believe how humourless some people are.... or how dim-witted so much that they can actually think this possible even if they don't find it funny.


trestres (on 05 May 2009)

Hey April ended a week ago.


goddog (on 05 May 2009)

please stop the forge news.... it needs its own place else where not in the new/ headlines.... it makes our site feel cheap


Millennium (on 05 May 2009)

So you went to all this trouble just to baw about friend codes?


loy310 (on 05 May 2009)

Meh... you tried too hard on this one guys.


MasterZack (on 05 May 2009)

nice try....


DKII (on 05 May 2009)

Humor and entertainment? Lighten up a little. :P


Paperdiego (on 05 May 2009)

so whats the point of this if its not april fools day??? seems pointless


Roflinator (on 05 May 2009)

@JUG: Forged news. Not real news.


JUG (on 05 May 2009)

That seems a bit much... I'm a fan of Nintendo but this just sounds ridiculous. Oh well... we shall see.


Red4ADevil (on 05 May 2009)

ROFL That almost had me fooled until i read to the part of the registration. good one.


Cheebee (on 05 May 2009)

Lol, what famousringo said. :p I thought this was actually true too, for a minute. :p


DKII (on 05 May 2009)

Why? It's clearly marked.


YesWiiCan (on 05 May 2009)

OMG YES, Miyamoto finally read my email!


RolStoppable (on 05 May 2009)

Reggie did the right thing when he punched you in the face, senseinobaka. That's why I love Nintendo.


XCWarrior (on 05 May 2009)

This is unbelievable. I mean come on, we all know Nintendo would have a much more secure system than this. I mean who doesn't know my grandma's maiden name? Sure hope the sequel to this for WiiHD is safer for my 18 1/2 children to use. This is unacceptable. ... BTW, stuff like this is why I have about 0 credability for Vgchartz news.


senseinobaka (on 05 May 2009)

@Truckosaurus. I agree with you 100%. On my next Forge News I plan on turning down the over-the-top-ness.


Naum (on 05 May 2009)

Do we really need fake new published on the front page? I mean it's not even funny just plain pathetic.


Mr Khan (on 05 May 2009)

Couldn't the pedophiles just target the smaller, cuter-looking amorphous clouds?


dib8rman (on 05 May 2009)

What an excellent choice for a hobby... I didn't realize conversing with others could be a hobby though, guess that's what happens when everything you make prints money. I always like the first paragraphs, because you can't tell right away if it's true... but the last paragraphs were ok too, especially with Reggie punching you in the face.


Killy_Vorkosigan (on 05 May 2009)

Hehe, it's the way it will be in France soon on the internet ^^


outlawauron (on 05 May 2009)

Haha, a fitting end to forge news.


TruckOSaurus (on 05 May 2009)

I liked the menacing henchman part and Shiggy's new hobby too but the bit about the application process was overkill, way too long. It killed the comedic effect.


Jaos (on 05 May 2009)

lol... I wouldn't be that surprised if they actually did this...


senseinobaka (on 05 May 2009)

I need to apoligize. I forgot to post the Forge News disclaimer at the buttom of the article. Just in case anyone actually believes this is true...its not. Well its not true because Nintendo is not making a social network, but if they were...this is how they would do it - no doubt.


tuoyo (on 05 May 2009)

Lol. but when are these joke news going to end? If there are too many it will get pretty old pretty quickly.


Perch (on 05 May 2009)

Wow what a rollercoaster ride. Excited, then appalled, then relieved, then upset. It was like having an entire relationship in two minutes.


Soriku (on 05 May 2009)

That's awesome. :P


Maynard_Tool (on 05 May 2009)

-.- do we really need this?


Smeags (on 05 May 2009)

Reggie is no one's henchman! Menacing or not, Reggie is his own man. :-P Wfz, back me up here.


waron (on 05 May 2009)

lol? somehow i think nintendo could pull something like that in japan, though.


dark_gh0st_b0y (on 05 May 2009)

for god's sake


superchunk (on 05 May 2009)

That's stupid. Why the hell would they not include wiispeak. idiots.


The Ghost of RubangB (on 05 May 2009)

My favorite was Shigsy's new hobby. Great stuff. Didn't you forget the disclaimer though? People might get disappointed if they hold their breath for this brilliance.


wfz (on 05 May 2009)

Why does Iwata look like he's about to shoot himself in the head? That's just depressingly hilarious. Is that even possible? Depressingly Hilarious? I'll continue this conversation to myself in my head so I don't take up any more space here.


O-D-C (on 05 May 2009)

I almsot had a heart attack lol


ioi (on 05 May 2009)

Haha, nice work!


TWRoO (on 05 May 2009)

Ha ha, Miyamoto's new hobby :-)


famousringo (on 05 May 2009)

For a second, I thought this was genuine because it's rumoured that NoA was showing press an unannounced Wii game today. Then I got to the part that mentioned Miyamoto's new hobby of talking to people. :P


Torillian (on 05 May 2009)

Funny as always Baka. Good to see you're swinging the fake news around to all the big three and keeping it fair. Perhaps it would be best to make the next few on 3rd party developers so that you can give the Sony, MS, and Ninty fans time to forgive you ^^


venepe (on 05 May 2009)

Nice try.


wfz (on 05 May 2009)

Pedo-bear does not approve.


Bobbuffalo (on 05 May 2009)

That's not funny v_v