“We have created a social experience the Nintendo way!"
REDMOND WA – Today, Nintendo of America announced plans to bring social networking to their popular Wii console. The new feature will be named WiiTogether and will become available for download by September of 2009. The Japanese video game giant hopes to bring a compelling social experience to the Wii console in order to compete with the social experience offered by Sony and Microsoft.
The press conference was attended by Nintendo’s President, Saturo Iwata, and his menacing henchman Reggie Fils-Aime. Mr. Iwata excitedly discussed how Creative Executive, Shigeru Miyamoto, designed the feature saying, "The idea came to him in the same way all his wonderful ideas come to him.” The executive then continued with an anecdotal story about how Miyamoto’s new hobby of conversing with people inspired the social network, WiiTogether.
Reggie Fils-Aime, Nintendo of America President, then took time to inform all in attendance how the social experience will work. According to Reggie, WiiTogether will integrate all the beloved online features the Wii already has, including Friend Codes, and excluding WiiSpeak. The first step a user will need to complete is registering their Wii serial number, all owned games, personal address, great grandmother’s maiden name, and scanned image of a government issued photo ID into their Club Nintendo account. After this they will have access to print the WiiTogether application form, which will need to be completed in triplicate - twice. After completing the application six times the gamer will then be required to gather all the Friend Codes he intends on connecting with onto another form (which will also need to be completed six times) and have each friend sign and date beside their respective friend code. Also, a government issued photo ID will need to be provided with each friend’s signature.
This IS what you wanted...right?
The process continues with Nintendo demanding attachments showing proof of residence, citizenship, existence, and proof that the applicant is not a registered sex offender. The final step is to have a Notary Public stamp all six application packets and send them to the following recipients: the Federal government, the applicant’s State government, the applicant’s local government, the State of Washington’s government, and Nintendo of America, while the last one remains with the applicant. “It’s that easy!” exclaimed Reggie Fils-Aime. Forge News immediately commented that the process seemed more convoluted than ‘easy’, to which Reggie responded by punching me in the face.
Mr. Fils-Aime continued discussing the social network by saying, "We have created a social experience the Nintendo way! First, we have created a world that fits the Wii console’s graphical power and themed as the Mushroom Kingdom. Then we designed a new avatar system. Since a pedophile can certainly identify a target by their Mii, a new avatar creator was needed. In WiiTogether we went with a more vaporous aesthetic, meaning you will create unidentifiable clouds of different colors, but the colors are customizable.” While looking at the early demonstration build Reggie was presenting, we counted 10 different colors. “Finally, we made a compelling new way to converse with your friends. Instead of using WiiSpeak, a player can assign text messages to the four buttons on the directional pad.” As every reporter in the audience stood in stunned silence, the Nintendo of America President concluded with, “We look forward to the over 50 million Wii customers signing on to this new service, but please allow 3-4 weeks for your application to be processed.”
*Forge News is a satire feature that the Vgchartz editorial team is happy to present. These pieces will be strictly written as good humor, sarcasm, and satire of everything video game related. They do not represent our views and opinions of anyone or any company that will be written about. It is our sincere desire that our readers will enjoy this new creative feature for what it is and not read any deeper meaning of bias into it.