Plenty of gamers doubtless dream of what it must be like to work in the industry developing games they can release to an adoring fanbase. Publisher Dream is a videogame publishing simulator available on the DSiware and Eshop. I'm not going to beat around the bush, the game is awful. Do not buy it. That's all you really need to know, but if you are somehow still curious or have not learned to trust me yet, by all means read on to find out why. 

Simulators as a genre require a serious investment of time and a fair degree of patience on the part of the player. The best of this genre come with a steady pay-off of constant rewards until you achieve your grandest ambition, allowing you to bask in the glorious transformation from humble beginnings to overwhelming virtual success. In contrast, Publisher Dream is monotonous, unfulfilling, and aesthetically appalling. It has all the generic requirements of a simulator but none of the things that make them fun to play.

Publisher Dream gives you no opportunities to be creative and personalize your experience. The name of your company is Triangle and there is no way you can change it. Similarly, you cannot name any of the games you create. Instead they will all be released with generic names such as PUZ #1, ACT #4, RPG #7. All of your employees come pre-named and their areas of specialty are already determined. The design process is similarly overly simplistic. You choose the genre, the size of the game, assign development roles (designers, programmers, managers, etc.), outsource the music, and set the promotional costs. The actual development takes place automatically. Completion time will vary by project based on the experience of your team.

Once you complete the development of a game you can set its price, which will influence how well it is received by gamers as well as its sales trajectory. Every game will be released on the fictional digital platform called the C-Shop for 24 weeks before being removed. The game comes down to ordering your employees like drones to sit at their computers day after day cranking out game after game without any regards for quality or the creative process (this must be what it is like to work at Gameloft). There are various milestones and sales targets that you will have to hit if you hope to expand your business. These range from sales targets, getting certain review scores, and leveling up your employees and reward you with more money upon completion.

Very few things happen over the course of the game that will impact your success. You will receive mail from players that bought your game that will either come filled with praise or criticism which in turn will either boost or detract from your team's energy. Also you may win awards or receive funds from local development sponsorships but the effect these have on the overall gameplay is minor. The only thing you really have to worry about is making sure your capital exceeds your expenditure. You only receive more money from your sales at the start of every quarter while you will have to pay expense costs on a monthly basis in addition to whatever it costs to develop a new game or buy new equipment for your office. If you find yourself in the situation that you cannot cover your expenses more than three times then it's game over - your file will be erased and you must start over from scratch. The game also ends after 9 years have passed in-game, with no sense of achievement or reward for your diligence. You're also given very few options for managing your costs. You cannot sell equipment or lay off employees when your financials are stretched too thin, and there is no way of boosting the sales of your games when you really need to. Try as I might, I could not find the option to bribe reviewers for higher scores, a practice which numerous commentators on this very site have assured me takes place in real life!

The graphics are simple 2D sprites. You have an overhead view of your publisher's office, which grows as you achieve more sales by releasing a steady stream of games. You can fill your office with all manner of furniture and knick knacks. Your employees come in a few different character designs that are oft repeated with simple variations in eye, hair, and shirt color. The game runs in accelerated time, but egregiously the frame rate will often slow down once your office becomes packed with employees. The menus are bland and awkwardly display information in such a way that will cause eye fatigue. Perhaps most damning of all is that the game features countless spelling and grammatical errors that would not make it through our own copy editors, let alone should have made it through the development process unscathed.

The soundtrack consists of simple musical medleys that play throughout the publisher's office through the hi-fi system. As you progress you will unlock more musical selections that impact the productivity of your dev team in various ways. Playing the game with the sound off was much more pleasurable than subjecting my ears to the audible monotony.

Publisher Dream costs only $1.99 but even that low price point cannot make this game any more appealing. This is a case where I would gladly pay more for a deeper and more feature rich experience than a cheap downloadable fling. I admit, I easily sunk several hours into Publisher Dream, but I enjoyed nearly none of them. It is easy to waste away the hours in a game like this once you get into a rhythm but that time could be better spent playing better games. I came away from Publisher Dream feeling ashamed I had spent so much time with it, doubly so after writing such a detailed review. Honestly, the game deserves no attention whatsoever and it would be great if I could just wake up and realize that my experience with was all just a dull dream.

This review is based on a digital copy of Publisher Dream, downloaded from the 3DS e-Shop.